Wisdom from silent corners

Life can be incredibly short so do not waste it idling on could have been dreams or should have been wishes.

Live your now as best you can. It might just be my age speaking, but it is a special kind of gift to be able to be present for the things that really matter. Being mindful of the life you have can be incredibly rewarding at the oddest of times.

You might not yet own those possessions that you think you need; like that house you want, or that car or have that job that speaks to you but there are many things you do have. You have your faith, be it a belief in God, Allah, Brahman or to attain spiritual enlightenment like Buddha. You have your health, which may not always be great but you wake up every morning.  You have family, they can be the one you are born into and the one you acquire through years of living.

I read somewhere that it takes a special kind of courage to do great things and all those great thing inevitably comes from being the best version of you possible

Race, in a fair-skinned world!

I am not one to play the race card or to let peoples ignorance and blatant stupidity get to me but today i am just angry!

I do not appreciate when the color of my skin or the color that it may not be hinders the ability of those around me to hear what i am saying. I do not appreciate being referred to as the only ''colored voice" in the room when i choose to disagree with a statement or have an opinion; the fact that i am the only one of "my color" here clearly signifies that the problem is the room and the other voices here and not me. I do not appreciate being asked excessively where i come from, as if the way i speak is all that different, I am not from Joburg and just so you know most people here aren't from here incipiently. My fair-skinned friend like you we do not all look the same, speak the same or have the same dialect.

I do not appreciate going into a store one day and because of my clothes i am either greeted with a friendly "Hello" or followed around because my skin color just happens to be different than your other clientele. I refuse to live in a society where the label of my clothes, the position i hold and the car i drive defines the service or respect i am entitled too as a human being. We should be beyond defining people by what we see, we should be over staring because someone is different, we should be over the need to pass judgement on each other.

This bigotry is overrated and it makes people like me bitter to have to encounter it daily.

So yes i am not white and i am not black, i do not need anyone to point this out for me because i know it. Though this should be irrelevant in 2015 i can acknowledge that it is not nor will it probably ever be in my time. I will however not sit by ideally to be belittled or treated differently because my race or my background is different to yours!

FAITH

  

Ernestine Johnson - on "The average Black Girl"

She says it so well!

For those of you who do not know who Daisy Bates, Pauli Murray and those infamous women who had a voice and used it are then read The invisible women of the Civil Rights Movement

On being a Pencil "IN BETWEEN"

Mother Teresa once said; We are all "little pencils in the hand of a writing God, who is sending love letters to the world". I am unsure of how my love letter will end but i know it will conclude whether today, next month or 20 years from now it will inevitably end. If there are two things in all the world that i am extremely sure of, it is that we are born and that we die.

That being said the "in between" is where all the living really happens. It is where we learn; where we teach; where we get to see the world through books, through travel, through each other and the thousands of movies we watch.

The "in between" is where we learn the differences between love, hate, disdain and compromise; it is where we build relationships that either grow into life long friendships or into fond memories. It is where we grow, change, evolve and on occasion get to recreate ourselves a few times over just because.

The "in between" is where we meet God, where we debate the varied realms of religion, faith and the ever contested afterlife. It is where we have these personal journeys to find self, loose self and then eventually find the 'real' self all in one life time. It is where we find purpose. 

My take is that the love letter is probably all of the "in between" moments lived, the subtle moments that stays with you through out the journey and not just the ones that have you saying "AHA I get it".

Something every MAN should hear!

The politics of the Underdog

When did our political system become such a joke? 

There has clearly somewhere already been a decision made that Zuma should not pay back the money from his massive Nkandla Estate, built with millions of tax payer money. These ad hoc committees seem to clearly be going nowhere slowly, with MPs walking out because witnesses cannot be called in to give account to this spending and with the ANC members being solely left at the table to decide the fate of the man who inevitably signs their pay checks. Why are we giving one party so much power; I thought we lived in a democratic country where the "people" in principle rule through the parties that we vote and place in power. 

I am also a tad confused at how many committees and reports are in circulation at the moment on this Nkandla Estate. Do we really need that many and to waste more money. In my head it is rather simple, the president committed a crime so he should return the money. I am sure he, his many wives and children (with all those lucrative jobs) has the money jointly to return it to the government coffers. 

That money could have been used to improve our education system-transport those damn textbooks, it could have been used to pay for 3 years of University for approximately 34 underprivileged students, it could have probably fed 24 500 and more families who live under the poverty line for a few days. It could have been used to refinance some of our dormant industries and would have in turn created the much needed jobs people between 18-40 yearn for in communities. 

I am grappling to understand the notion of unquestioned power which is clearly what we give these political figures. 

Standing in the Dark - Lawson

It might be an old one but definitely one of my favorites!

Mu(sick)

A lot may have issues with the content but i think its Brilliant!

Such a beauty!

Oh, AFRICA!

I have been reading up on groups like Boko Haram and i find it very interesting that to "make a point" to the world they tend to kill innocent people. I wonder how a nation justifies sacrificing its brothers and sisters for a war, a personal jihad, a genocide that i am sure they do not even understand.

Nigeria and its people have been historically divided into the North and South for centuries due to colonialism and the varied manifestations of British rule and western influence, these wars have been going on for decades just in different shades. Atane Ofiaja in his article "To Understand Boko Haram, the West Must look more closely at itself than at Nigeria" portrays this divide and puts a context to the situation that i did not understand before. It has made me re-look the positions that people are placed in during times of crisis.

For instance most of those soldiers in Boko Haram are not there because they will die for the cause as obscured as it may seem; granted some are driven by pure hatred while others are there because of fear, because they may not know better. Some are there waving a gun and carrying a label of Islamist radicals because of poverty and the promise of payment and food for loyalty, some of them may even have other mouths to feed or keep alive.

The corrupt systems and leaders of Nigeria like that of many other African countries trample on the poor and the destitute fueling a war that kills its own, drives its own into modern day slavery and displaces men, women and children from their homes. As Africans we allow these systems and caliber of leaders to continue, we allow our languages to be diluted and our cultures to be modernized by the West. We allow ourselves, our children and their children to be global citizens forgetting that we are African citizens too.

I do not condone Boko Haram, i believe they should be stopped and those girls should be returned to their families however the reality is that when they are another groups will rise and so the cycle will continue until the head and not the tail is severed. I believe that we need to acknowledge that this situation is not in isolation, as Africans we have in many ways failed ourselves.

Maybe we should not just be trending #bringbackourgirls but #givebackAfrica, just a thought!

Make it COUNT

Since the election season is in full swing one cannot help but marvel at how talented politicians or at least most of them are at the gift of the gab. They all want to sell something for that seat in parliament, be it their party campaign or manifestos which are all laced with promises. They all in one way or another speak housing, speak unemployment, speak education, safety and family playing on the hopes and dreams of ordinary South African men and women who will march out in droves to voting stations on May 7 to cast that ballot for change.

My issue is not the campaigning per say, it is the falseness of it all. I cannot help but wonder if these politicians know what being unemployed is like for the ordinary men and women who on a daily basis need to search, beg and borrow in order to feed their families that next meal. I wonder if they know what its like for a child to sit in a class room not having eaten a meal the evening before.

I wonder if any of their immediate family members are on those housing waiting lists that have been floating since the 1980's. I wonder if they know what it's like for those who want an education but cannot get it because in all honesty there just isn't enough bursaries or educational loans out there that caters for individuals regardless of their racial merit or biography, in addition there are also just not enough seats in our Universities to cater for every single person regardless of how desperately they yearn for it.

As Archbishop Desmond Tutu indicated a few days back as a nation we should vote with our heads; we should not falsely be led by loyalties that we cannot understand, we should look at all the facts, review all of the information and then vote. It is your vote after all, so make it count!

Already a Year

I cannot believe it has already been a whole year since my mom has been gone, some days like today are honestly harder than others.

Through this experience i have realized that when someone you love dies it seems as if time in itself stands still. For me silence and a quite sadness descended as i longed for another day and time for one more conversation. It is not easy to understand why God chose to have them leave this earth before we were ready to say goodbye.

Little by little, during this time i have begun to remember that my mom is not just died or gone. She lived and her life gave those around her including me beautiful memories and valuable lessons that we will always have. So today i will grieve that i lost a mother who i dearly miss and the world has lost such an amazing women.

In the same breathe i will also spend it celebrating her life, her sense of humility and her fighting spirit; i will take strength from the fact that i had her for so long before God called her home.

Depending on religious belief whether she is a star in the sky or an angel in heaven, she still remains out there somewhere watching over all those she loves.

INVICTUS

For some reason i find myself thinking of the movie Invictus and found myself stumbling across the poem, if you have watched it you might remember the poem recited by Morgan Freeman close to the end and that it was a favorite of the man he portrayed so well in the movie. I think Obama also makes reference to the poem in his speech at Nelson Mandela's memorial service, especially in the lines, "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.".

The poem was originally written by William Ernest Henley in my opinion to show might in the face of adversity, the Latin meaning for Invictus is after all "unconquerable"!

Between Friends

In light of our recent conversations and since i am the oldest and often most opinionated, I thought it a perfect time to impart some of my 'wisdom' on life. I know our roads will not be the same but who knows these could be used as markers or small road signs along the way.

It is never too late to start something new or different; if you want to do that degree, do it. If you want to learn to ride that bicycle, start now. Postponing might sound easier but what you don’t realise is how fast time goes by and before you realise it your twenties are over and you will be approaching another decade with nothing tangible to show for it. Whether you believe me or not, this here life is short.

Embrace your femininity ladies; being a woman isn't always easy, so you don’t need self hate to break you down even further in a world of negativity. Whether you have curves or not becomes irrelevant when you learn to love who you are. God does not make flaws, he makes us uniquely perfect.

Whether you do it in the benches of a church or alone in your quiet moments, take the time to know God. If there is one thing in this life i have learnt over and over again it is that He is omnipotent (all-ruling), omnipresent (present everywhere), and omniscient (understanding of our intentions even before we are). So when those times get hard remember you are never alone or forgotten.

Find people that you can love; it might sound ironic but love is meant to be shared and given away otherwise it defeats its purpose. So even though you might have been hurt and had your heart stomped on remember that unconditional love that you share with your daughter, sister/s and brother/s, now imagine sharing some of that with the world. The most profound things happen in this life when you are willing to share of yourself.

There is a need for more kindness; so smile at that stranger because there will come a time when you will need that same kind of karma back; speak to the stranger on the bus because right there you might find the different perspective needed to change the world. Kindness is just that simple yet we take it for granted in little ways everyday.

Let me just say that i am without doubt so proud of you, you have grown from the loudest teenagers i have ever met into these incredibly strong young woman and i am glad i have been there through the tantrums, the boy dramas and the lectures (mostly provided by me). I would not trade a minute of our friendship and our fights for in and through them i have learnt that family is not just defined by blood.

At the Gates of the Year

I have been trying to put my year in words but have failed miserably to capture it all until i found the poem below by Minnie Louise Haskins (1875-1957):

GOD KNOWS 

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”

And he replied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low,
God hideth His intention.

God knows. His will
Is best. The stretch of years
Which wind ahead, so dim
To our imperfect vision,
Are clear to God. Our fears
Are premature; In Him,
All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until
God moves to lift the veil
From our impatient eyes,
When, as the sweeter features
Of Life’s stern face we hail,
Fair beyond all surmise
God’s thought around His creatures
Our mind shall fill.

So as my journey into 2014 begins, i am humbled by the year i leave behind.  It has been a year that has seen me shed more tears than laughter, a year that has taught me great lessons on loss, life and faith. A year of revelations and one of sincere appreciation for things like life and death.

I don't know what this new year holds but God knows!

WHAT WILL MATTER

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.

So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.

Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built,

not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched,

empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew,

but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

WHAT WILL MATTER was written by  Michael Josephson 

Michael Josephson, is a former lawyer, law professor, and successful entrepreneur, he is one of the most respected and sought-after speakers and consultants in the field of ethics and character, with a special expertise in the area of ethics and character in schools and the workplace. 

Something every Women should hear!

A Man and his work

A few years ago i read an article in the Daily Mavrick where Jonathan Jansen speaks about servant leadership and his work at the University of the Free State, i have also had the privilege of meeting this giant of a man at WITS and yes he is indeed a giant in humility and spirit, i have never met a man more dedicate to the needs of his children (students) or that resonates such peace. His love for people and his mission for change literally speaks without him needing to say a word.

Recently some of his other work has been making its way into my inbox and around Facebook, the more i read the more affirmed i am that it should definitely be shared. One of my favorites is his writing on South Africa through his eyes.

My South Africa by Jonathan Jansen (Published: 9 February 2011)

My South Africa is the working-class man who called from the airport to return my wallet without a cent missing. It is the white woman who put all three of her domestic worker's children through the same school that her own child attended. It is the politician in one of our rural provinces, Mpumalanga, who returned his salary to the government as a statement that standing with the poor had to be more than just a few words. It is the teacher who worked after school hours every day during the public sector strike to ensure her children did not miss out on learning.

My South Africa is the first-year university student in Bloemfontein who took all the gifts she received for her birthday and donated them - with the permission of the givers - to a home for children in an Aids village. It is the people hurt by racist acts who find it in their hearts to publicly forgive the perpetrators. It is the group of farmers in Paarl who started a top school for the children of farm workers to ensure they got the best education possible while their parents toiled in the vineyards. It is the farmer's wife in Viljoenskroon who created an education and training centre for the wives of farm labourers so that they could gain the advanced skills required to operate accredited early-learning centers for their own and other children.

My South Africa is that little white boy at a decent school in the Eastern Cape who decided to teach the black boys in the community to play cricket, and to fit them all out with the togs required to play the gentelman's game. It is the two black street children in Durban, caught on camera, who put their spare change in the condensed milk tin of a white beggar. It is the Johannesburg pastor who opened up his church as a place of shelter for illegal immigrants. It is the Afrikaner woman from Boksburg who nailed the white guy who shot and killed one of South Africa's greatest freedom fighters outside his home.

My South Africa is the man who went to prison for 27 years and came out embracing his captors, thereby releasing them from their impending misery. It is the activist priest who dived into a crowd of angry people to rescue a woman from a sure necklacing. It is the former police chief who fell to his knees to wash the feet of Mamelodi women whose sons disappeared on his watch; it is the women who forgave him in his act of contrition. It is theCape Town university psychologist who interviewed the 'Prime Evil' in Pretoria Centre and came away with emotional attachment, even empathy, for the human being who did such terrible things under apartheid.

My South Africa is the quiet, dignified, determined township mother from Langa who straightened her back during the years of oppression and decided that her struggle was to raise decent children, insist that they learn, and ensure that they not succumb to bitterness or defeat in the face of overwhelming odds. It is the two young girls who walked 20kms to school everyday, even through their matric years, and passed well enough to be accepted into university studies. It is the student who takes on three jobs, during the evenings and on weekends, to find ways of paying for his university studies.

My South Africa is the teenager in a wheelchair who works in townships serving the poor. It is the pastor of a Kenilworth church whose parishioners were slaughtered, who visits the killers and asks them for forgiveness because he was a beneficiary of apartheid. It is the politician who resigns on conscientious grounds, giving up status and salary because of an objection in principle to a social policy of her political party. It is the young lawman who decides to dedicate his life to representing those who cannot afford to pay for legal services.

My South Africa is not the angry, corrupt, violent country those deeds fill the front pages of newspapers and the lead-in items on the seven-o'-clock news. It is the South Africa often unseen, yet powered by the remarkable lives of ordinary people. It is the citizens who keep the country together through millions of acts of daily kindness. 

* This article originally appeared in Mango's in-flight magazine.

The Art of Letting Go

I am a bit of a control freak, a "need to do it myself" type that likes things mentally organised. I often use perfectly good energy trying to plan, predict and prevent things that i cannot possibly plan, predict or prevent.

I like things compartmentalized, i live with lists and schedules and i rather like it.

Unfortunately the world does not work this way, it is chaotic, scary and sometimes requires us to surrender. Easier said than done, i know.  It is one of the hardest things in the world to let go; of control, of that primal need to ensure safety, love and security.

I have realised in my short span of existence, that surrendering to the unknown is necessary because life is just too big to be placed in a safely padded box.

There are lessons in the out of control moments, the chaotic encounters and in letting go of the need to master it all. A definite sense of freedom and confidence comes from knowing when to cut your losses and move on.