Wisdom from silent corners

Life can be incredibly short so do not waste it idling on could have been dreams or should have been wishes.

Live your now as best you can. It might just be my age speaking, but it is a special kind of gift to be able to be present for the things that really matter. Being mindful of the life you have can be incredibly rewarding at the oddest of times.

You might not yet own those possessions that you think you need; like that house you want, or that car or have that job that speaks to you but there are many things you do have. You have your faith, be it a belief in God, Allah, Brahman or to attain spiritual enlightenment like Buddha. You have your health, which may not always be great but you wake up every morning.  You have family, they can be the one you are born into and the one you acquire through years of living.

I read somewhere that it takes a special kind of courage to do great things and all those great thing inevitably comes from being the best version of you possible

On being a Pencil "IN BETWEEN"

Mother Teresa once said; We are all "little pencils in the hand of a writing God, who is sending love letters to the world". I am unsure of how my love letter will end but i know it will conclude whether today, next month or 20 years from now it will inevitably end. If there are two things in all the world that i am extremely sure of, it is that we are born and that we die.

That being said the "in between" is where all the living really happens. It is where we learn; where we teach; where we get to see the world through books, through travel, through each other and the thousands of movies we watch.

The "in between" is where we learn the differences between love, hate, disdain and compromise; it is where we build relationships that either grow into life long friendships or into fond memories. It is where we grow, change, evolve and on occasion get to recreate ourselves a few times over just because.

The "in between" is where we meet God, where we debate the varied realms of religion, faith and the ever contested afterlife. It is where we have these personal journeys to find self, loose self and then eventually find the 'real' self all in one life time. It is where we find purpose. 

My take is that the love letter is probably all of the "in between" moments lived, the subtle moments that stays with you through out the journey and not just the ones that have you saying "AHA I get it".

Between Friends

In light of our recent conversations and since i am the oldest and often most opinionated, I thought it a perfect time to impart some of my 'wisdom' on life. I know our roads will not be the same but who knows these could be used as markers or small road signs along the way.

It is never too late to start something new or different; if you want to do that degree, do it. If you want to learn to ride that bicycle, start now. Postponing might sound easier but what you don’t realise is how fast time goes by and before you realise it your twenties are over and you will be approaching another decade with nothing tangible to show for it. Whether you believe me or not, this here life is short.

Embrace your femininity ladies; being a woman isn't always easy, so you don’t need self hate to break you down even further in a world of negativity. Whether you have curves or not becomes irrelevant when you learn to love who you are. God does not make flaws, he makes us uniquely perfect.

Whether you do it in the benches of a church or alone in your quiet moments, take the time to know God. If there is one thing in this life i have learnt over and over again it is that He is omnipotent (all-ruling), omnipresent (present everywhere), and omniscient (understanding of our intentions even before we are). So when those times get hard remember you are never alone or forgotten.

Find people that you can love; it might sound ironic but love is meant to be shared and given away otherwise it defeats its purpose. So even though you might have been hurt and had your heart stomped on remember that unconditional love that you share with your daughter, sister/s and brother/s, now imagine sharing some of that with the world. The most profound things happen in this life when you are willing to share of yourself.

There is a need for more kindness; so smile at that stranger because there will come a time when you will need that same kind of karma back; speak to the stranger on the bus because right there you might find the different perspective needed to change the world. Kindness is just that simple yet we take it for granted in little ways everyday.

Let me just say that i am without doubt so proud of you, you have grown from the loudest teenagers i have ever met into these incredibly strong young woman and i am glad i have been there through the tantrums, the boy dramas and the lectures (mostly provided by me). I would not trade a minute of our friendship and our fights for in and through them i have learnt that family is not just defined by blood.

WHAT WILL MATTER

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.

So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.

Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built,

not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched,

empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew,

but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

WHAT WILL MATTER was written by  Michael Josephson 

Michael Josephson, is a former lawyer, law professor, and successful entrepreneur, he is one of the most respected and sought-after speakers and consultants in the field of ethics and character, with a special expertise in the area of ethics and character in schools and the workplace. 

A Man and his work

A few years ago i read an article in the Daily Mavrick where Jonathan Jansen speaks about servant leadership and his work at the University of the Free State, i have also had the privilege of meeting this giant of a man at WITS and yes he is indeed a giant in humility and spirit, i have never met a man more dedicate to the needs of his children (students) or that resonates such peace. His love for people and his mission for change literally speaks without him needing to say a word.

Recently some of his other work has been making its way into my inbox and around Facebook, the more i read the more affirmed i am that it should definitely be shared. One of my favorites is his writing on South Africa through his eyes.

My South Africa by Jonathan Jansen (Published: 9 February 2011)

My South Africa is the working-class man who called from the airport to return my wallet without a cent missing. It is the white woman who put all three of her domestic worker's children through the same school that her own child attended. It is the politician in one of our rural provinces, Mpumalanga, who returned his salary to the government as a statement that standing with the poor had to be more than just a few words. It is the teacher who worked after school hours every day during the public sector strike to ensure her children did not miss out on learning.

My South Africa is the first-year university student in Bloemfontein who took all the gifts she received for her birthday and donated them - with the permission of the givers - to a home for children in an Aids village. It is the people hurt by racist acts who find it in their hearts to publicly forgive the perpetrators. It is the group of farmers in Paarl who started a top school for the children of farm workers to ensure they got the best education possible while their parents toiled in the vineyards. It is the farmer's wife in Viljoenskroon who created an education and training centre for the wives of farm labourers so that they could gain the advanced skills required to operate accredited early-learning centers for their own and other children.

My South Africa is that little white boy at a decent school in the Eastern Cape who decided to teach the black boys in the community to play cricket, and to fit them all out with the togs required to play the gentelman's game. It is the two black street children in Durban, caught on camera, who put their spare change in the condensed milk tin of a white beggar. It is the Johannesburg pastor who opened up his church as a place of shelter for illegal immigrants. It is the Afrikaner woman from Boksburg who nailed the white guy who shot and killed one of South Africa's greatest freedom fighters outside his home.

My South Africa is the man who went to prison for 27 years and came out embracing his captors, thereby releasing them from their impending misery. It is the activist priest who dived into a crowd of angry people to rescue a woman from a sure necklacing. It is the former police chief who fell to his knees to wash the feet of Mamelodi women whose sons disappeared on his watch; it is the women who forgave him in his act of contrition. It is theCape Town university psychologist who interviewed the 'Prime Evil' in Pretoria Centre and came away with emotional attachment, even empathy, for the human being who did such terrible things under apartheid.

My South Africa is the quiet, dignified, determined township mother from Langa who straightened her back during the years of oppression and decided that her struggle was to raise decent children, insist that they learn, and ensure that they not succumb to bitterness or defeat in the face of overwhelming odds. It is the two young girls who walked 20kms to school everyday, even through their matric years, and passed well enough to be accepted into university studies. It is the student who takes on three jobs, during the evenings and on weekends, to find ways of paying for his university studies.

My South Africa is the teenager in a wheelchair who works in townships serving the poor. It is the pastor of a Kenilworth church whose parishioners were slaughtered, who visits the killers and asks them for forgiveness because he was a beneficiary of apartheid. It is the politician who resigns on conscientious grounds, giving up status and salary because of an objection in principle to a social policy of her political party. It is the young lawman who decides to dedicate his life to representing those who cannot afford to pay for legal services.

My South Africa is not the angry, corrupt, violent country those deeds fill the front pages of newspapers and the lead-in items on the seven-o'-clock news. It is the South Africa often unseen, yet powered by the remarkable lives of ordinary people. It is the citizens who keep the country together through millions of acts of daily kindness. 

* This article originally appeared in Mango's in-flight magazine.

Life...

Hey...

Remembering...

My uncle was a remarkable man, he lived his life with such vigour and ease. He was a silent man most of the time yet when he walked into a room you would know that he is there.

He was sometimes hard headed and cocky but he loved being the only uncle we had; he relished being the big brother to his 4 bossy sisters (my mom and aunts), a husband and a father to his sons. As a teenager he use to knock down my room door just to check if i am alive, he is one of the few that never saw my eccentric nature as weird. He literally just let me go with it and i loved him dearly for that.

Knowing his really gone is harder than we all thought it would be, even though we have had months to prepare for it and say our "goodbyes" there still feels like a decade has been left unsaid.

His wife will miss him most as she watches their grand kids grow up and their sons marry off and start their own lives. My mom and her sisters will also miss their steadfast brother, even though they have years of memories he won't be a phone call away anymore. He won't be there anymore.

In all this sadness i take heart in knowing that God called him home at the right time and He has my uncle safely nestled against His side watching us all as we continue to soldier on. I pray his soul has found peace and that he knows he was loved and will always be missed.

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ― Rose Kennedy

In loving memory of my Uncle Greg
26 January 2013

Some TRUTH

"New Things"

Before i delve into this new years list of goals I'd like to reflect on the year i have left behind. It was not the easiest of years to begin with, dealing with sick parents, hospitalisation and some curve balls that in essence led to some incredible revelations.

It was a year of closing chapters, leaving things behind, finishing projects and moving on.

It was one of those years you couldn't help but grow in. One of deep thought about life, love, loss and the world (in my head i think i have probably gone over solutions on world peace more times than most).

Reflecting back 2012 i realise it was a year of finding more of myself, the stressful bits and all.

For 2013 there is NO RESOLUTION for my goals are simple:

• Good Health 
• To nurture great relationships 
• To learn and keep grounded - life would be boring if i wasn't learning a thing or two from it. 
• To love 

It will be a year of new jobs (as i take on a juggling act of 2 very different roles), new surroundings, new relationships and a whole new set of lessons.

I am looking forward to the nail biting challenge of getting through this one still intact.  

On turning 28

When I was in my early 20's I imagined that at this age I would be settled down with 1.5 kids, a husband and a few pets but here I am a few days after my birthday reflecting on the lessons learnt and how different plans can become. 

It feels like the 28 years might have happened overnight.

I can still remember most of my teens and waiting patiently for 16 to come along then the legal 18. Oh and the infamous 21 and all the thrills and new adventures that my early 20’s brought with it.

It is there that I learned to live, there that I learned to laugh at life and myself from time to time. There that I learnt about love, the kind that hurts and the kind that heals.  There that I set off on adventures that have taken me to distant lands, hidden villages and the little colorful “empire”  I now call home.

The years has come with its ups and downs but it has been really amazing to grow into the person I am now. I have always thought of myself as a quiet soul and an introvert in my own right but with age and some wisdom now I feel like I own my space.

I realise that I am different , that I am unique (so not everyone will get me) and it is okay as long as I am true to myself. 

As for TURNING 28, well it’s just the beginning of a new journey and I know my late 20’s will be filled with discoveries. It will be like searching for treasures on a winding road where i can't see the end just yet but i know its there.

An AHA moment

I was asked out of the blue a few days ago; "How short would your life have to be before you would start living differently today?" 

Even though i know that intellectually each breath could be my last, i still find myself spending an astonishing amount of time thinking about things i cannot change - possible futures, pasts mistakes and what could have been done differently. 

The truth is; the end of our lives is always just one breath away.  I think that for me living habitually is a way of denying this truth.  A way of saying that I have all the time in the world to change, to live differently, to live joyfully, to live meaningfully, to help others, to take risks, to love unconditionally.  

How short would my life have to be?  It already is as short as it could possibly be. 

A little perspective

There is nothing like the near death of someone that you love to give you a little perspective on life and how you live it.

For the last month and a half my mom has been in and out of the doctors office, been put on various treatments and now has a bed in a NO VISITORS ward while they try and find an antibiotic that agrees with her body and will reduce the size of her liver.

I can't imagine how scary it all must be for a women like her who has raised 3 kids, seen 4 grandchildren and a great grandchild into this world (and all the noise it brings) to be so isolated from home. My mom is a home body, give her time in her yard and the company of any one of her sisters and she is in her element.

For me its a different kind of scary because i have never been faced with the thought of loosing my mom until now, i know she won't live forever but i at least hope she will be around to spend a few Christmas's at my house and help to usher my kids into the world so they are as fortunate as my nieces and nephew to call her theirs. Its scary to think how short life is and how we take the time for granted because we think we have plenty of it left, when in essence we don't have much.

I haven't been to see her yet; if i am honest i have just not had the heart to get on a plane and be there among my siblings and to visit her in a hospital of all places. She also tells me it's not necessary that i rush home because she is fine but i know that at the moment she is not fine, so i feel a bit like a bad daughter for not being strong enough to be there alone and be faced with the reality that time might run out sooner than i thought.

So with fear and all i have booked my tickets and gotten the time off work to go home; i am unsure of what to expect, unsure of what my arrival will be greeted with but i look forward to seeing my mother and having her enlighten me with quirky stories and lectures of hospitals and faith.

Some truth...

My Symphony

This morning I woke up with a section of a William Ellery Channing book on repeat in my head; the specific part where he says...

"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury; and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable; and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly; to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart; to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasion, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious grow up through the common. This is to be my symphony."

I realize that this world is filled with people trying to live their lives according to other peoples tunes. Life does not work that way; in the long run you need to find your own melody and take the time to write, direct and produce your own symphony.

It does not need to be bold or fancy, it just needs to your own! 

TRUE...

Taking Time

Time i Say 

I am a big believer in reflecting on life and taking time out from the hustle and bustle of it. I must admit I don't often get the time or have the energy to sit for hours just pondering on life but this morning i woke up before the crack of dawn with some thoughts/ truths to share.

I feel like life is short for most of us and the more we put off, the more we won't be able to do. It definitely does not work like a to do list that you can tick off and move on to the next task or fork in the road. Life is unpredictable, it so not a romance novel or a TV series where the "good one" somehow always win. It has moments of heart wrenching sadness and exhilarating happiness all wrapped up in lessons that we try to learn from.

Life can get messy and sometimes lonely even when you are surrounded by hundreds of people. It can also be filled with exasperating adventures and "chapters" waiting to be explored.

I realize that in this life if you are everything to everyone, you may end up being nothing to yourself.

So take the time to find your joys and embrace it, whether its climbing a mountain or sitting on a park bench with a good book. Take time to do it, share it with someone special.

Take time to live for the moments of right now, cause tomorrow or next week might not come.

Writing my BOOK

I love to read, I can literally spend hours in the thrills of a good novel and completely cut the world out so that the characters and I can embark on a journey together. I have a very visual imagination so I often find that it would put it into pictures hence I am not picky about endings as long as at the end I can feel like “I got it”, like I understood the plot.

Little Me

Lately I have been thinking of life (my own) as a book; with all its chapters culminating various stages, highlights and lowlights of my 27 years on this planet. Granted this is not as long as most, but I sure have learnt a thing or two.

It would have to starting with my first fond memories of garden tea parties when I was 4, through to my peculiar child hood where I have always had an opinion and a mother who would listen to my every entertaining word – when I was 7/8 I refused to go to bed at bedtime because I felt that my brain didn’t need all the hours of sleep and I would become so animated in my theory that my parents would just let me stay up.

Through my odd days as a teenager, I was not a difficult teen  but I was definitely always different -  I preferred  a good book over parties, drugs or boys.  There is a part of me now that thinks I have taken the world way too seriously before my time and another that is grateful that I have somehow always known myself enough to know when to stop, step ahead or step away.  

My journey from18 to now would be the bulk of it; because here I have learnt about love (the kind that does not change or falter), loss (as no-one lives forever), sacrifice (the art of walking away), friendships (the kind that deals with shit and still stands) and to chase my dreams even if it takes me a little longer to get there. 

I am not sure which chapter I am on right now however I think turning 28 in a few months will probably require a few new priorities. 

It promises to be interesting! 

My "REVELATION"

I do not want to sound philosophical about life and death but both are fickle things, you think you have it figured out one minute then in the blink of an eye it topples you over for a 10 and you left thinking 'what now?".

I don't think we ever really get it figured out. We deal, we manage and we get on with what needs to be done.

I have an uncle who is very ill at the moment and reflecting back on his role in my life i am struck by how powerful it has been. I remember him as a rough, rouge of a man with a personality that could literally fill a room. He use to barge into my bedroom when i was in my teens and demand to know how i am, he use to sneak me sweet when his wife wasn't looking and because he never had a daughter i always filled that role with giggles and hugs. I have always admired his ability to laugh at life and how he encircled his sisters and would do anything to protect them.

I have not seen him in a long time but on the phone i can tell that in the midst of his illness he has become sullen, like he knows something we don't.  It saddens me that life and the thought of death can do that to a man so brave however in my heart (somehow) i know that he will be okay and get through this stronger than before.

I also realize now that growing up i have been fortunate to have three fathers, one by blood, one by family and another by love. All of these men have played amazing roles in who i am today; they have loved me, laughed with me, nurtured me and supported every decision i have ever made.

Their lives have blessed mine!

Women's Day

I am very lucky to have been surrounded in this world with impecable women that have taught me how to live, how to love and how to keep fighting.

From my mother i have learnt to have courage and faith in the midst of any storm.

From my sister and cousins i have learnt how to laugh at the world and make lemonade when life hands me lemons.

From Melissa, Emma and Sabrina i have learnt that loving yourself is a precious gift, they are probably the only people i know that displays this whole heartedly in unwaved friendship.

An from the many women who have come into my life, stayed awhile and then graciously parted i have learnt that a women's strength lies in the battles she willingly fights and in her will power to overcome. That a women does not need to be loud to be bold or heard.

That her joy lies in the smiles of those around her and in the small way she can change lives.

Happy Women's Day too you all.