Race, in a fair-skinned world!

I am not one to play the race card or to let peoples ignorance and blatant stupidity get to me but today i am just angry!

I do not appreciate when the color of my skin or the color that it may not be hinders the ability of those around me to hear what i am saying. I do not appreciate being referred to as the only ''colored voice" in the room when i choose to disagree with a statement or have an opinion; the fact that i am the only one of "my color" here clearly signifies that the problem is the room and the other voices here and not me. I do not appreciate being asked excessively where i come from, as if the way i speak is all that different, I am not from Joburg and just so you know most people here aren't from here incipiently. My fair-skinned friend like you we do not all look the same, speak the same or have the same dialect.

I do not appreciate going into a store one day and because of my clothes i am either greeted with a friendly "Hello" or followed around because my skin color just happens to be different than your other clientele. I refuse to live in a society where the label of my clothes, the position i hold and the car i drive defines the service or respect i am entitled too as a human being. We should be beyond defining people by what we see, we should be over staring because someone is different, we should be over the need to pass judgement on each other.

This bigotry is overrated and it makes people like me bitter to have to encounter it daily.

So yes i am not white and i am not black, i do not need anyone to point this out for me because i know it. Though this should be irrelevant in 2015 i can acknowledge that it is not nor will it probably ever be in my time. I will however not sit by ideally to be belittled or treated differently because my race or my background is different to yours!

On being a Pencil "IN BETWEEN"

Mother Teresa once said; We are all "little pencils in the hand of a writing God, who is sending love letters to the world". I am unsure of how my love letter will end but i know it will conclude whether today, next month or 20 years from now it will inevitably end. If there are two things in all the world that i am extremely sure of, it is that we are born and that we die.

That being said the "in between" is where all the living really happens. It is where we learn; where we teach; where we get to see the world through books, through travel, through each other and the thousands of movies we watch.

The "in between" is where we learn the differences between love, hate, disdain and compromise; it is where we build relationships that either grow into life long friendships or into fond memories. It is where we grow, change, evolve and on occasion get to recreate ourselves a few times over just because.

The "in between" is where we meet God, where we debate the varied realms of religion, faith and the ever contested afterlife. It is where we have these personal journeys to find self, loose self and then eventually find the 'real' self all in one life time. It is where we find purpose. 

My take is that the love letter is probably all of the "in between" moments lived, the subtle moments that stays with you through out the journey and not just the ones that have you saying "AHA I get it".

INVICTUS

For some reason i find myself thinking of the movie Invictus and found myself stumbling across the poem, if you have watched it you might remember the poem recited by Morgan Freeman close to the end and that it was a favorite of the man he portrayed so well in the movie. I think Obama also makes reference to the poem in his speech at Nelson Mandela's memorial service, especially in the lines, "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.".

The poem was originally written by William Ernest Henley in my opinion to show might in the face of adversity, the Latin meaning for Invictus is after all "unconquerable"!

Between Friends

In light of our recent conversations and since i am the oldest and often most opinionated, I thought it a perfect time to impart some of my 'wisdom' on life. I know our roads will not be the same but who knows these could be used as markers or small road signs along the way.

It is never too late to start something new or different; if you want to do that degree, do it. If you want to learn to ride that bicycle, start now. Postponing might sound easier but what you don’t realise is how fast time goes by and before you realise it your twenties are over and you will be approaching another decade with nothing tangible to show for it. Whether you believe me or not, this here life is short.

Embrace your femininity ladies; being a woman isn't always easy, so you don’t need self hate to break you down even further in a world of negativity. Whether you have curves or not becomes irrelevant when you learn to love who you are. God does not make flaws, he makes us uniquely perfect.

Whether you do it in the benches of a church or alone in your quiet moments, take the time to know God. If there is one thing in this life i have learnt over and over again it is that He is omnipotent (all-ruling), omnipresent (present everywhere), and omniscient (understanding of our intentions even before we are). So when those times get hard remember you are never alone or forgotten.

Find people that you can love; it might sound ironic but love is meant to be shared and given away otherwise it defeats its purpose. So even though you might have been hurt and had your heart stomped on remember that unconditional love that you share with your daughter, sister/s and brother/s, now imagine sharing some of that with the world. The most profound things happen in this life when you are willing to share of yourself.

There is a need for more kindness; so smile at that stranger because there will come a time when you will need that same kind of karma back; speak to the stranger on the bus because right there you might find the different perspective needed to change the world. Kindness is just that simple yet we take it for granted in little ways everyday.

Let me just say that i am without doubt so proud of you, you have grown from the loudest teenagers i have ever met into these incredibly strong young woman and i am glad i have been there through the tantrums, the boy dramas and the lectures (mostly provided by me). I would not trade a minute of our friendship and our fights for in and through them i have learnt that family is not just defined by blood.

At the Gates of the Year

I have been trying to put my year in words but have failed miserably to capture it all until i found the poem below by Minnie Louise Haskins (1875-1957):

GOD KNOWS 

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”

And he replied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low,
God hideth His intention.

God knows. His will
Is best. The stretch of years
Which wind ahead, so dim
To our imperfect vision,
Are clear to God. Our fears
Are premature; In Him,
All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until
God moves to lift the veil
From our impatient eyes,
When, as the sweeter features
Of Life’s stern face we hail,
Fair beyond all surmise
God’s thought around His creatures
Our mind shall fill.

So as my journey into 2014 begins, i am humbled by the year i leave behind.  It has been a year that has seen me shed more tears than laughter, a year that has taught me great lessons on loss, life and faith. A year of revelations and one of sincere appreciation for things like life and death.

I don't know what this new year holds but God knows!

WHAT WILL MATTER

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.

So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.

Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built,

not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched,

empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew,

but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

WHAT WILL MATTER was written by  Michael Josephson 

Michael Josephson, is a former lawyer, law professor, and successful entrepreneur, he is one of the most respected and sought-after speakers and consultants in the field of ethics and character, with a special expertise in the area of ethics and character in schools and the workplace. 

The Art of Letting Go

I am a bit of a control freak, a "need to do it myself" type that likes things mentally organised. I often use perfectly good energy trying to plan, predict and prevent things that i cannot possibly plan, predict or prevent.

I like things compartmentalized, i live with lists and schedules and i rather like it.

Unfortunately the world does not work this way, it is chaotic, scary and sometimes requires us to surrender. Easier said than done, i know.  It is one of the hardest things in the world to let go; of control, of that primal need to ensure safety, love and security.

I have realised in my short span of existence, that surrendering to the unknown is necessary because life is just too big to be placed in a safely padded box.

There are lessons in the out of control moments, the chaotic encounters and in letting go of the need to master it all. A definite sense of freedom and confidence comes from knowing when to cut your losses and move on.

In Life and in Death: Letter to my MOM

Thank you mom for always attempting to keep me sane and protected from some of the ills in this world. For teaching me kindness, showing me how to care and passing on your selective patience. You have looked out  for me even when I didn't think I needed it and let me learn by making my own mistakes.

Thank you mom for always being there; for waiting up and worrying, for the late night lectures and the early morning cups of coffee while you laughed with me and at times also at me.

It saddens me to think that my future son or daughter will never know your unconditional kind of love, he/she will never get to call you "Ma" or "Granny". Will never have you in there corner and will never know your silent wisdom, i only hope i can stick up for them and encourage them with half as much passion as you have done for me through the years.

Thank you mom for teaching me to be honest, courteous, appreciative and loving.
Thank you for trying to teach me to be neat and tidy, even though we both know it didn't work so well.
Thank you for teaching me to try to see the best in people, even if it meant looking deeper than just the surface.

Your lessons on humility, fighting fair and conflict has been instilled so deep in my being that i would not be me with out them, so thank you for taking the time over the years to nurture my open mind and listen to my theories on everything from world peace to genocide.

Thank you mom for instilling in me a love for travel, books, flowers, photography and food. How i will miss the back rubs, talks, stories and reminders that i can do anything i set my mind to.

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others,but whose place no one else can take." Author Unknown

The journey of life...

This weekend i have been giving a lot of thought to the word "journey/s" and how it is different for us all. My favorite definition by far is "A process of course likened to travel, a passage: the journey of life".

Every journey is significant in its own way; it is within it that we every day discover facets of ourselves. We discover different ways to see the world, meet various people that walk a few miles with us or pass on some instant wisdom before they move off onto another path.

Like a "passage" where you pass through various versions of yourself and others . Where if you are lucky years later when you sit and reflect, you are left thinking "aaah that was interesting".

I realise of late that these journeys never end, they take us from point to point and lesson to lesson.

As we get "older and wiser" the journey evolves, it actually gets better as we get specific.Gradually we stop looking for the BIGGER picture and the cure to all the ills of this world and we can start changing the small things. The here and now things that create ripple effects in the lives around us.

The point is that "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step" [Lao-tze Tao Te Ching].

Taking time...

I have a crazy obsession with lists and getting things done on time but I have recently been feeling very disconnected to myself, impatient with the world and like my life just has an entire list of things i am not ticking off on.

I am not a depressed person and wallowing  in my self pity doesn't really get me anywhere so I have decided to take it to God.

This might sound weird but growing up my mother was religious on teaching us about "quiet time" and "meditation". Now as an adult i think i have lost some of that inner balance and my communication with God has become stifled by everything else life throws my way.

So i am literally taking a step back from myself and the world and letting my impatience go because i really can't control it all. I am also letting God knowingly lead, my plans clearly might not be His. As scary as it is to  hand over the sails of my boat (life); true patience is after all the handing over of my own self-will (that wants to control it all) into His perfect will (that already has a master plan).

 

I..

Things i have Learnt along the way

I am always amazed at how we change over time, how what was important yesterday ceases to bother us today. With that in mind I have been thinking about the lessons I have learnt from the past.

Here are a few that stand out for me.

1. I have learnt that Pride is a fickle thing and can steal precious time, so always take a moment to say sorry and to reflect on the past so you can appreciate the present.

2. Money is like water, there will be spells of drought and times of floods. So spend it wisely and NEVER let it become your ruler.

3. Don’t rush to get to your destination because you may just miss the views and lessons on the road. In the detours i have learnt some of my greatest lessons yet.

4. Take the time to fall in love, its value is greater than we give it credit for and in it lies many lessons about life, sacrifice and devotion that cannot be taught in books.

5. Scream when you must, cry when you have too and laugh as much as you can because the older we get the more we realise how serious we once were.

6. As cliché as it may sound, the moment is all there is. The worries, lists and plans for the future are all distraction that hinders us from fully living. So throw them out and cease the moment, you might be amazed at where it leads you.

7. Be comfortable in your own skin; it’s the only one you have so embrace the curves, love what you have and the rest shall follow.

8. Regardless of what behavioural science say you can’t motivate people, the best you can hope for is to inspire them to act based on your actions.

9. There are great joys of this world that do not cost a cent so don’t take them for granted; to me they are reading a good book, taking a long walk, having an engaging conversation, getting lost in the smell of the ocean or a breathtaking sight and of course a good hug.

10. Failures are the stepping stones to success, without them their will have been no trials so do not let your fears stop you from trying.

I know that life has many more lessons to teach me and I look forward to embracing them all, one day at a time.

A reason, a season or a lifetime?

Been thinking of the many people who have come and gone in and out of my life over the past 27 years, now I realise how very necessary each of them were. Some came for reasons, some stayed a season or two and a few have given me a lifetime of memories.

A number of them came into my life when I was confused and showed me the way or directed me on a different path, some came into my life to mirror the roads not to take and share their scars. A few came to contribute to my reflections of self and the world while others came to invigorate my minds and teach me to dream bigger and be bolder.

Many came for a season or two; to take me through a test, a trial, to share in my joys and sorrows for that particular time period. Then subtly they or I would move on and find new roads and lives to contribute too, a unique cycle of life.

There are those very few who last a lifetime; for me they are the ones who I share a silent bond with even if I don’t talk to them often. They tend to be the ones I turn to in sadness, the ones who know what I love to drink and hate to eat. The people I share my adventures and my somewhat crazy “PLANS” with.

I realise that with all of my “a reason, a season or a lifetime” kind of friends I share uniquely fond memories of different times, different places and a somewhat different version of me.

Cycles of Poverty

A few days ago I met a young man from a township just outside of Klerksdorp; we had a conversation for about two hours while he showed me some of his community.

I have seen many townships in my life and have lived most of my childhood and teen years on the Cape Flats so I am no stranger to poverty and hardship however I found seeing it through his eyes interesting and more real than I had imagined.

This young man through his articulate words took me through a short journey of his life and daily struggle to keep his head above water; he showed me the outside taps and toilets his family has to share with 2 other households. He took me through the dusty streets so I can see where some of his neighbours need to leave their dirt because there hasn’t been refuse collection in years.

He showed me his neighborhood in the rawest form and after some prying on my part he shared with me his story of being raised by a single mother and how he has tried to get out of the rut he finds himself in. Work is scarce and he could not get into a university because his mother (who is the only family provider) cannot afford it. His family struggles to keep their house, pay their bills and still have a meal each night.

This young man has never heard of a study loan and before i came along no one has ever discussed FET options with him, he didn’t even know that there was an FET college 30 minutes away in the nearest town.

In the middle of this conversation I came to realise that he like so many of the other teens I have had the opportunity to engage with over the last few months were uninformed and left to fend for themselves in a somewhat unjust world. They are somehow set on cycles of poverty that they will not get out of unless they start to think beyond the borders of their safe communities.

Standing there in his community I couldn’t stop thinking of a quote by John Green, where he says “There is no Them. There is only facets of Us”. This young man and the many others i have met and know by name reminded me that there will be no great reward without taking great risk; so i hope that in the years to come i will get to see some of them again and they would have lived beyond the cycles.

Among my John Mayer favorites...

My adaptation of Words to Live By

ONE... Give people more than they expect and do it with a smile on your face, because your cheer might be all that they know for that day.

TWO... Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE... Don't believe everything you hear or read, life can sometimes be over exaggerated.

FOUR... When you say, 'I love you,' make sure you mean it and say it as often as you can.

FIVE... When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye and do it because you mean it.

SIX...  Don’t rush life, it will happen even if the timing does not coincide with your plans. God sometimes has different ones for us.

SEVEN... Believe in love even if your heart has been shattered before, it’s all part of the lesson.

EIGHT... Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE... Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN... In disagreements, fight fairly and stand your ground if it’s something you believe in.

ELEVEN... Don't judge people by their relatives, if you do you may miss out on knowing someone great.

TWELVE... Talk slowly, think quickly and learn fast.

THIRTEEN... When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN... Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk, so don’t let fear hold you back.

FIFTEEN... Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze because we all need some blessing now and then.

SIXTEEN... When you lose at something, don't lose the lesson from having been there.

SEVENTEEN... Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN... Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. Life is too short to hold onto grudges, you life today and you might be gone tomorrow.

NINETEEN... When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY... Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice and they might need it.

TWENTY- ONE... Spend some time alone to reflect, to review and when needed to make plans so you can redo.

Idle thoughts on a crazy day...

Ernest Holmes said " Any thought which tends to inspire, to comfort and to give peace to the mind is good".

On this Wednesday afternoon my thoughts lead me directly to the need for my warm bed (in the midst of this chilly day) and a steaming cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkles. Oh what simple pleasures my heart desire.

However looking to my desk; i see my preparation notes, and reading material (that i need to read for what i imagine is the 10th time in the hope that the facts stick or i don't come across too nervous). I can see emails popping up reminding me that someone needs an urgent reply or for me to take them through a computer system that is just not working.

So Mr. Holmes i wish it was that simple.

Trial and Error

I have always been told that the lesson is in the journey and not the destination. The journey is what builds your character, it is what reveals your strengths and weaknesses. Only when we are brave enough to take road less traveled can we discover who we are.

Sometimes we need to be bold and take time to try!

AHA, finding it.....

At some point in our lives we have all looked for signs; signs on whether we have made the correct choice? signs on whether we can do the job? signs on whether this is it.....

Our search for some divine intervention for that little bit of courage to push on is endless. 

This morning i stumbled onto this picture and it resonate that "This is it", sometimes we cannot see the signs because we are too strung up in the actions or have a preconceived notion of what the sign should be. 

Unfortunately these signs may never come in the ways we want them to, so don't spend all of your time looking for signs that might be right in-front of you; live your life, learn new things, love even when it hurts and soldier on. 

If it ends up being the wrong road start over and consider the past lessons and stepping stones to greater things, this is it afterall. 

Reflections at Nomndeni

Stream in the backyard 

At this present moment I am sitting in a workshop on the outskirts of Nelspruit, having the cool breeze drift into the window beside me. How lucky am I that I got to wake up this morning, stand on the balcony and see the sun rise over the nearby stream and hear the birds chirping away.

I am amazed by how peaceful it is out here and how the air just smells crisp even though there has been no rain, everything is greener and I can see these little creatures on nearby tree branches with no concern in the world.

This tends to highlight the wonder of mother nature to me and how simple it all seems in this complex world of ours.

In this day and age we tend to make our own lives difficult with the constant demands on our time, the rush, the hurry and the digital wave where we go no-where without our Blackberry, Tablets or Notebook.

In all of this haste we forget to live and admire the beauty.

I urge you to take the time to enjoy the grass between your toes, to admire God’s creatures (big and small), to enjoy good food,  to take time to pray/ reflect, to love (just for the sake of it) and too live this life and not wait for the next.

Today is it, so enjoy it!