Race, in a fair-skinned world!

I am not one to play the race card or to let peoples ignorance and blatant stupidity get to me but today i am just angry!

I do not appreciate when the color of my skin or the color that it may not be hinders the ability of those around me to hear what i am saying. I do not appreciate being referred to as the only ''colored voice" in the room when i choose to disagree with a statement or have an opinion; the fact that i am the only one of "my color" here clearly signifies that the problem is the room and the other voices here and not me. I do not appreciate being asked excessively where i come from, as if the way i speak is all that different, I am not from Joburg and just so you know most people here aren't from here incipiently. My fair-skinned friend like you we do not all look the same, speak the same or have the same dialect.

I do not appreciate going into a store one day and because of my clothes i am either greeted with a friendly "Hello" or followed around because my skin color just happens to be different than your other clientele. I refuse to live in a society where the label of my clothes, the position i hold and the car i drive defines the service or respect i am entitled too as a human being. We should be beyond defining people by what we see, we should be over staring because someone is different, we should be over the need to pass judgement on each other.

This bigotry is overrated and it makes people like me bitter to have to encounter it daily.

So yes i am not white and i am not black, i do not need anyone to point this out for me because i know it. Though this should be irrelevant in 2015 i can acknowledge that it is not nor will it probably ever be in my time. I will however not sit by ideally to be belittled or treated differently because my race or my background is different to yours!

Ernestine Johnson - on "The average Black Girl"

She says it so well!

For those of you who do not know who Daisy Bates, Pauli Murray and those infamous women who had a voice and used it are then read The invisible women of the Civil Rights Movement

On being a Pencil "IN BETWEEN"

Mother Teresa once said; We are all "little pencils in the hand of a writing God, who is sending love letters to the world". I am unsure of how my love letter will end but i know it will conclude whether today, next month or 20 years from now it will inevitably end. If there are two things in all the world that i am extremely sure of, it is that we are born and that we die.

That being said the "in between" is where all the living really happens. It is where we learn; where we teach; where we get to see the world through books, through travel, through each other and the thousands of movies we watch.

The "in between" is where we learn the differences between love, hate, disdain and compromise; it is where we build relationships that either grow into life long friendships or into fond memories. It is where we grow, change, evolve and on occasion get to recreate ourselves a few times over just because.

The "in between" is where we meet God, where we debate the varied realms of religion, faith and the ever contested afterlife. It is where we have these personal journeys to find self, loose self and then eventually find the 'real' self all in one life time. It is where we find purpose. 

My take is that the love letter is probably all of the "in between" moments lived, the subtle moments that stays with you through out the journey and not just the ones that have you saying "AHA I get it".

Something every MAN should hear!

Mu(sick)

A lot may have issues with the content but i think its Brilliant!

Already a Year

I cannot believe it has already been a whole year since my mom has been gone, some days like today are honestly harder than others.

Through this experience i have realized that when someone you love dies it seems as if time in itself stands still. For me silence and a quite sadness descended as i longed for another day and time for one more conversation. It is not easy to understand why God chose to have them leave this earth before we were ready to say goodbye.

Little by little, during this time i have begun to remember that my mom is not just died or gone. She lived and her life gave those around her including me beautiful memories and valuable lessons that we will always have. So today i will grieve that i lost a mother who i dearly miss and the world has lost such an amazing women.

In the same breathe i will also spend it celebrating her life, her sense of humility and her fighting spirit; i will take strength from the fact that i had her for so long before God called her home.

Depending on religious belief whether she is a star in the sky or an angel in heaven, she still remains out there somewhere watching over all those she loves.

INVICTUS

For some reason i find myself thinking of the movie Invictus and found myself stumbling across the poem, if you have watched it you might remember the poem recited by Morgan Freeman close to the end and that it was a favorite of the man he portrayed so well in the movie. I think Obama also makes reference to the poem in his speech at Nelson Mandela's memorial service, especially in the lines, "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.".

The poem was originally written by William Ernest Henley in my opinion to show might in the face of adversity, the Latin meaning for Invictus is after all "unconquerable"!

Between Friends

In light of our recent conversations and since i am the oldest and often most opinionated, I thought it a perfect time to impart some of my 'wisdom' on life. I know our roads will not be the same but who knows these could be used as markers or small road signs along the way.

It is never too late to start something new or different; if you want to do that degree, do it. If you want to learn to ride that bicycle, start now. Postponing might sound easier but what you don’t realise is how fast time goes by and before you realise it your twenties are over and you will be approaching another decade with nothing tangible to show for it. Whether you believe me or not, this here life is short.

Embrace your femininity ladies; being a woman isn't always easy, so you don’t need self hate to break you down even further in a world of negativity. Whether you have curves or not becomes irrelevant when you learn to love who you are. God does not make flaws, he makes us uniquely perfect.

Whether you do it in the benches of a church or alone in your quiet moments, take the time to know God. If there is one thing in this life i have learnt over and over again it is that He is omnipotent (all-ruling), omnipresent (present everywhere), and omniscient (understanding of our intentions even before we are). So when those times get hard remember you are never alone or forgotten.

Find people that you can love; it might sound ironic but love is meant to be shared and given away otherwise it defeats its purpose. So even though you might have been hurt and had your heart stomped on remember that unconditional love that you share with your daughter, sister/s and brother/s, now imagine sharing some of that with the world. The most profound things happen in this life when you are willing to share of yourself.

There is a need for more kindness; so smile at that stranger because there will come a time when you will need that same kind of karma back; speak to the stranger on the bus because right there you might find the different perspective needed to change the world. Kindness is just that simple yet we take it for granted in little ways everyday.

Let me just say that i am without doubt so proud of you, you have grown from the loudest teenagers i have ever met into these incredibly strong young woman and i am glad i have been there through the tantrums, the boy dramas and the lectures (mostly provided by me). I would not trade a minute of our friendship and our fights for in and through them i have learnt that family is not just defined by blood.

At the Gates of the Year

I have been trying to put my year in words but have failed miserably to capture it all until i found the poem below by Minnie Louise Haskins (1875-1957):

GOD KNOWS 

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”

And he replied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low,
God hideth His intention.

God knows. His will
Is best. The stretch of years
Which wind ahead, so dim
To our imperfect vision,
Are clear to God. Our fears
Are premature; In Him,
All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until
God moves to lift the veil
From our impatient eyes,
When, as the sweeter features
Of Life’s stern face we hail,
Fair beyond all surmise
God’s thought around His creatures
Our mind shall fill.

So as my journey into 2014 begins, i am humbled by the year i leave behind.  It has been a year that has seen me shed more tears than laughter, a year that has taught me great lessons on loss, life and faith. A year of revelations and one of sincere appreciation for things like life and death.

I don't know what this new year holds but God knows!

WHAT WILL MATTER

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.

So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.

Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built,

not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched,

empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew,

but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

WHAT WILL MATTER was written by  Michael Josephson 

Michael Josephson, is a former lawyer, law professor, and successful entrepreneur, he is one of the most respected and sought-after speakers and consultants in the field of ethics and character, with a special expertise in the area of ethics and character in schools and the workplace. 

It is all part of the Journey

In Life and in Death: Letter to my MOM

Thank you mom for always attempting to keep me sane and protected from some of the ills in this world. For teaching me kindness, showing me how to care and passing on your selective patience. You have looked out  for me even when I didn't think I needed it and let me learn by making my own mistakes.

Thank you mom for always being there; for waiting up and worrying, for the late night lectures and the early morning cups of coffee while you laughed with me and at times also at me.

It saddens me to think that my future son or daughter will never know your unconditional kind of love, he/she will never get to call you "Ma" or "Granny". Will never have you in there corner and will never know your silent wisdom, i only hope i can stick up for them and encourage them with half as much passion as you have done for me through the years.

Thank you mom for teaching me to be honest, courteous, appreciative and loving.
Thank you for trying to teach me to be neat and tidy, even though we both know it didn't work so well.
Thank you for teaching me to try to see the best in people, even if it meant looking deeper than just the surface.

Your lessons on humility, fighting fair and conflict has been instilled so deep in my being that i would not be me with out them, so thank you for taking the time over the years to nurture my open mind and listen to my theories on everything from world peace to genocide.

Thank you mom for instilling in me a love for travel, books, flowers, photography and food. How i will miss the back rubs, talks, stories and reminders that i can do anything i set my mind to.

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others,but whose place no one else can take." Author Unknown

When it gets Crazy..

It feels like overnight life just got crazy busy and i am doing my best to catch up and keep up. I am not complaining, it is a good kind of busy. The kind that keeps me on my toes and has me making direct future plans.  It’s been a bit of an adjustment, but I think I've found my new rhythm or at least i am definitely getting there.

Funny how the pace of life changes from time to time and how it is up to us to move with it and not against it.

It is a challenge but I am learning: 

• To bask in the moment -  even if there are very few; i am allowing myself the pleasure of enjoying it and  pausing here and there so i can reflect and share the moment. 
• To do the me things first before i extend myself to the outside world. Like the Beatles said " And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"; you have to receive something first before you know how to give it. So before i share my space and my experiences, i am taking the time to receive and in the end to give completely. 
• To commit to things and see them through, even if i hate it or it challenges me and my comfort zones. I want to be fully engaged in the now and consciously move on to the next chapter or cycle. 

I have come to realise that life does not stay stagnant; it is always moving, always shifting, and evolving onto the next sequence of chapters. When life is slow, let it be (you will look back and miss those days) and when it is rapid put on those dancing shoes and get moving. 

Life is not as long as we might think so when it gets crazy (like mine) enjoy it, have fun and learn the lessons.  

Taking time...

I have a crazy obsession with lists and getting things done on time but I have recently been feeling very disconnected to myself, impatient with the world and like my life just has an entire list of things i am not ticking off on.

I am not a depressed person and wallowing  in my self pity doesn't really get me anywhere so I have decided to take it to God.

This might sound weird but growing up my mother was religious on teaching us about "quiet time" and "meditation". Now as an adult i think i have lost some of that inner balance and my communication with God has become stifled by everything else life throws my way.

So i am literally taking a step back from myself and the world and letting my impatience go because i really can't control it all. I am also letting God knowingly lead, my plans clearly might not be His. As scary as it is to  hand over the sails of my boat (life); true patience is after all the handing over of my own self-will (that wants to control it all) into His perfect will (that already has a master plan).

 

My Symphony

This morning I woke up with a section of a William Ellery Channing book on repeat in my head; the specific part where he says...

"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury; and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable; and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly; to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart; to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasion, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious grow up through the common. This is to be my symphony."

I realize that this world is filled with people trying to live their lives according to other peoples tunes. Life does not work that way; in the long run you need to find your own melody and take the time to write, direct and produce your own symphony.

It does not need to be bold or fancy, it just needs to your own! 

My "REVELATION"

I do not want to sound philosophical about life and death but both are fickle things, you think you have it figured out one minute then in the blink of an eye it topples you over for a 10 and you left thinking 'what now?".

I don't think we ever really get it figured out. We deal, we manage and we get on with what needs to be done.

I have an uncle who is very ill at the moment and reflecting back on his role in my life i am struck by how powerful it has been. I remember him as a rough, rouge of a man with a personality that could literally fill a room. He use to barge into my bedroom when i was in my teens and demand to know how i am, he use to sneak me sweet when his wife wasn't looking and because he never had a daughter i always filled that role with giggles and hugs. I have always admired his ability to laugh at life and how he encircled his sisters and would do anything to protect them.

I have not seen him in a long time but on the phone i can tell that in the midst of his illness he has become sullen, like he knows something we don't.  It saddens me that life and the thought of death can do that to a man so brave however in my heart (somehow) i know that he will be okay and get through this stronger than before.

I also realize now that growing up i have been fortunate to have three fathers, one by blood, one by family and another by love. All of these men have played amazing roles in who i am today; they have loved me, laughed with me, nurtured me and supported every decision i have ever made.

Their lives have blessed mine!

It's all in the Art...

In my first year at University i had a lecturer that recommended we read the "Art of War" by Sun Tzu, i read it however at that particular time i did not understand the fuss or hidden meanings behind this ancient text. A few days ago i re-read it on a flight heading home and the one quote that jumps out at me is;

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle”

I might be completely off the mark with what Sun Tzu wanted his warriors to remember but this has a two folded meaning for me. 

Firstly if you do not know the enemy you will lose as often as you win, all battles will be 50/50 and you will always fight with fear of the unknown, questioning tactics and power. However, if you know both yourself and the enemy perhaps you will win more because you would not be afraid to fight. Perhaps you will risk more because the reward will be personal. 

Secondly; it also speaks of the importance of knowing and understanding others in the battle where the conflict is theoretical and the war personal. If you've fought a battle where you gained a greater understanding of yourself and the other person, you've gained something greater than a mere win, and the outcome of the battle itself is irrelevant.

I think the greatest battles we fight in this life is with ourselves, we tend to be our worse enemies so perhaps if we master the art of self love then mastering the art of war would be easier. 

One step at a time

Clearing out my maze

Read an article called “Interior Motives” in the August Issue of O Magazine that made me think about my professional environment and how I engage in it.  Made me think of all the actual times I have said Yes when I was dying to say No, the many times I have been polite when I really didn’t want to be and the countless hours I have wasted in conversations I really did not want to be in.

I realised reading through those pages that I actually needed to clean up my agenda, take a constructive step back and re-evaluate the battles I fight and those I walk away from. Easier said than done (I know) but I am starting small and hopefully it will lead me out of the Lady Macbeth maze in my head.  

So if you hear me say No more often than before bare with me because this is my truth and I would rather be blunt than be exhausted by hypocrisy.  If I don’t engage in a conversation with you don’t take it personally because I may just have nothing enlightening to say.

As I journey on this new road of telling the truth I will unconsciously be steered away from fake people and my circle may become smaller but that is a price I will willingly pay for inner peace. 

Things i have Learnt along the way

I am always amazed at how we change over time, how what was important yesterday ceases to bother us today. With that in mind I have been thinking about the lessons I have learnt from the past.

Here are a few that stand out for me.

1. I have learnt that Pride is a fickle thing and can steal precious time, so always take a moment to say sorry and to reflect on the past so you can appreciate the present.

2. Money is like water, there will be spells of drought and times of floods. So spend it wisely and NEVER let it become your ruler.

3. Don’t rush to get to your destination because you may just miss the views and lessons on the road. In the detours i have learnt some of my greatest lessons yet.

4. Take the time to fall in love, its value is greater than we give it credit for and in it lies many lessons about life, sacrifice and devotion that cannot be taught in books.

5. Scream when you must, cry when you have too and laugh as much as you can because the older we get the more we realise how serious we once were.

6. As cliché as it may sound, the moment is all there is. The worries, lists and plans for the future are all distraction that hinders us from fully living. So throw them out and cease the moment, you might be amazed at where it leads you.

7. Be comfortable in your own skin; it’s the only one you have so embrace the curves, love what you have and the rest shall follow.

8. Regardless of what behavioural science say you can’t motivate people, the best you can hope for is to inspire them to act based on your actions.

9. There are great joys of this world that do not cost a cent so don’t take them for granted; to me they are reading a good book, taking a long walk, having an engaging conversation, getting lost in the smell of the ocean or a breathtaking sight and of course a good hug.

10. Failures are the stepping stones to success, without them their will have been no trials so do not let your fears stop you from trying.

I know that life has many more lessons to teach me and I look forward to embracing them all, one day at a time.