Race, in a fair-skinned world!

I am not one to play the race card or to let peoples ignorance and blatant stupidity get to me but today i am just angry!

I do not appreciate when the color of my skin or the color that it may not be hinders the ability of those around me to hear what i am saying. I do not appreciate being referred to as the only ''colored voice" in the room when i choose to disagree with a statement or have an opinion; the fact that i am the only one of "my color" here clearly signifies that the problem is the room and the other voices here and not me. I do not appreciate being asked excessively where i come from, as if the way i speak is all that different, I am not from Joburg and just so you know most people here aren't from here incipiently. My fair-skinned friend like you we do not all look the same, speak the same or have the same dialect.

I do not appreciate going into a store one day and because of my clothes i am either greeted with a friendly "Hello" or followed around because my skin color just happens to be different than your other clientele. I refuse to live in a society where the label of my clothes, the position i hold and the car i drive defines the service or respect i am entitled too as a human being. We should be beyond defining people by what we see, we should be over staring because someone is different, we should be over the need to pass judgement on each other.

This bigotry is overrated and it makes people like me bitter to have to encounter it daily.

So yes i am not white and i am not black, i do not need anyone to point this out for me because i know it. Though this should be irrelevant in 2015 i can acknowledge that it is not nor will it probably ever be in my time. I will however not sit by ideally to be belittled or treated differently because my race or my background is different to yours!

FAITH

  

Ernestine Johnson - on "The average Black Girl"

She says it so well!

For those of you who do not know who Daisy Bates, Pauli Murray and those infamous women who had a voice and used it are then read The invisible women of the Civil Rights Movement

On being a Pencil "IN BETWEEN"

Mother Teresa once said; We are all "little pencils in the hand of a writing God, who is sending love letters to the world". I am unsure of how my love letter will end but i know it will conclude whether today, next month or 20 years from now it will inevitably end. If there are two things in all the world that i am extremely sure of, it is that we are born and that we die.

That being said the "in between" is where all the living really happens. It is where we learn; where we teach; where we get to see the world through books, through travel, through each other and the thousands of movies we watch.

The "in between" is where we learn the differences between love, hate, disdain and compromise; it is where we build relationships that either grow into life long friendships or into fond memories. It is where we grow, change, evolve and on occasion get to recreate ourselves a few times over just because.

The "in between" is where we meet God, where we debate the varied realms of religion, faith and the ever contested afterlife. It is where we have these personal journeys to find self, loose self and then eventually find the 'real' self all in one life time. It is where we find purpose. 

My take is that the love letter is probably all of the "in between" moments lived, the subtle moments that stays with you through out the journey and not just the ones that have you saying "AHA I get it".

Something every MAN should hear!

Standing in the Dark - Lawson

It might be an old one but definitely one of my favorites!

Mu(sick)

A lot may have issues with the content but i think its Brilliant!

Already a Year

I cannot believe it has already been a whole year since my mom has been gone, some days like today are honestly harder than others.

Through this experience i have realized that when someone you love dies it seems as if time in itself stands still. For me silence and a quite sadness descended as i longed for another day and time for one more conversation. It is not easy to understand why God chose to have them leave this earth before we were ready to say goodbye.

Little by little, during this time i have begun to remember that my mom is not just died or gone. She lived and her life gave those around her including me beautiful memories and valuable lessons that we will always have. So today i will grieve that i lost a mother who i dearly miss and the world has lost such an amazing women.

In the same breathe i will also spend it celebrating her life, her sense of humility and her fighting spirit; i will take strength from the fact that i had her for so long before God called her home.

Depending on religious belief whether she is a star in the sky or an angel in heaven, she still remains out there somewhere watching over all those she loves.

Between Friends

In light of our recent conversations and since i am the oldest and often most opinionated, I thought it a perfect time to impart some of my 'wisdom' on life. I know our roads will not be the same but who knows these could be used as markers or small road signs along the way.

It is never too late to start something new or different; if you want to do that degree, do it. If you want to learn to ride that bicycle, start now. Postponing might sound easier but what you don’t realise is how fast time goes by and before you realise it your twenties are over and you will be approaching another decade with nothing tangible to show for it. Whether you believe me or not, this here life is short.

Embrace your femininity ladies; being a woman isn't always easy, so you don’t need self hate to break you down even further in a world of negativity. Whether you have curves or not becomes irrelevant when you learn to love who you are. God does not make flaws, he makes us uniquely perfect.

Whether you do it in the benches of a church or alone in your quiet moments, take the time to know God. If there is one thing in this life i have learnt over and over again it is that He is omnipotent (all-ruling), omnipresent (present everywhere), and omniscient (understanding of our intentions even before we are). So when those times get hard remember you are never alone or forgotten.

Find people that you can love; it might sound ironic but love is meant to be shared and given away otherwise it defeats its purpose. So even though you might have been hurt and had your heart stomped on remember that unconditional love that you share with your daughter, sister/s and brother/s, now imagine sharing some of that with the world. The most profound things happen in this life when you are willing to share of yourself.

There is a need for more kindness; so smile at that stranger because there will come a time when you will need that same kind of karma back; speak to the stranger on the bus because right there you might find the different perspective needed to change the world. Kindness is just that simple yet we take it for granted in little ways everyday.

Let me just say that i am without doubt so proud of you, you have grown from the loudest teenagers i have ever met into these incredibly strong young woman and i am glad i have been there through the tantrums, the boy dramas and the lectures (mostly provided by me). I would not trade a minute of our friendship and our fights for in and through them i have learnt that family is not just defined by blood.

At the Gates of the Year

I have been trying to put my year in words but have failed miserably to capture it all until i found the poem below by Minnie Louise Haskins (1875-1957):

GOD KNOWS 

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”

And he replied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low,
God hideth His intention.

God knows. His will
Is best. The stretch of years
Which wind ahead, so dim
To our imperfect vision,
Are clear to God. Our fears
Are premature; In Him,
All time hath full provision.

Then rest: until
God moves to lift the veil
From our impatient eyes,
When, as the sweeter features
Of Life’s stern face we hail,
Fair beyond all surmise
God’s thought around His creatures
Our mind shall fill.

So as my journey into 2014 begins, i am humbled by the year i leave behind.  It has been a year that has seen me shed more tears than laughter, a year that has taught me great lessons on loss, life and faith. A year of revelations and one of sincere appreciation for things like life and death.

I don't know what this new year holds but God knows!

WHAT WILL MATTER

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.

So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.

Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built,

not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched,

empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew,

but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

WHAT WILL MATTER was written by  Michael Josephson 

Michael Josephson, is a former lawyer, law professor, and successful entrepreneur, he is one of the most respected and sought-after speakers and consultants in the field of ethics and character, with a special expertise in the area of ethics and character in schools and the workplace. 

The Art of Letting Go

I am a bit of a control freak, a "need to do it myself" type that likes things mentally organised. I often use perfectly good energy trying to plan, predict and prevent things that i cannot possibly plan, predict or prevent.

I like things compartmentalized, i live with lists and schedules and i rather like it.

Unfortunately the world does not work this way, it is chaotic, scary and sometimes requires us to surrender. Easier said than done, i know.  It is one of the hardest things in the world to let go; of control, of that primal need to ensure safety, love and security.

I have realised in my short span of existence, that surrendering to the unknown is necessary because life is just too big to be placed in a safely padded box.

There are lessons in the out of control moments, the chaotic encounters and in letting go of the need to master it all. A definite sense of freedom and confidence comes from knowing when to cut your losses and move on.

Hall of Fame

For some reason that is beyond me i can't get this song out of my head, i rather like it!

"To this day" by Shane Koyczan

Stumbled across this video and i personally found it to be profound. So take the 12 or so minutes to really listen to what he says.

In Life and in Death: Letter to my MOM

Thank you mom for always attempting to keep me sane and protected from some of the ills in this world. For teaching me kindness, showing me how to care and passing on your selective patience. You have looked out  for me even when I didn't think I needed it and let me learn by making my own mistakes.

Thank you mom for always being there; for waiting up and worrying, for the late night lectures and the early morning cups of coffee while you laughed with me and at times also at me.

It saddens me to think that my future son or daughter will never know your unconditional kind of love, he/she will never get to call you "Ma" or "Granny". Will never have you in there corner and will never know your silent wisdom, i only hope i can stick up for them and encourage them with half as much passion as you have done for me through the years.

Thank you mom for teaching me to be honest, courteous, appreciative and loving.
Thank you for trying to teach me to be neat and tidy, even though we both know it didn't work so well.
Thank you for teaching me to try to see the best in people, even if it meant looking deeper than just the surface.

Your lessons on humility, fighting fair and conflict has been instilled so deep in my being that i would not be me with out them, so thank you for taking the time over the years to nurture my open mind and listen to my theories on everything from world peace to genocide.

Thank you mom for instilling in me a love for travel, books, flowers, photography and food. How i will miss the back rubs, talks, stories and reminders that i can do anything i set my mind to.

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others,but whose place no one else can take." Author Unknown

The journey of life...

This weekend i have been giving a lot of thought to the word "journey/s" and how it is different for us all. My favorite definition by far is "A process of course likened to travel, a passage: the journey of life".

Every journey is significant in its own way; it is within it that we every day discover facets of ourselves. We discover different ways to see the world, meet various people that walk a few miles with us or pass on some instant wisdom before they move off onto another path.

Like a "passage" where you pass through various versions of yourself and others . Where if you are lucky years later when you sit and reflect, you are left thinking "aaah that was interesting".

I realise of late that these journeys never end, they take us from point to point and lesson to lesson.

As we get "older and wiser" the journey evolves, it actually gets better as we get specific.Gradually we stop looking for the BIGGER picture and the cure to all the ills of this world and we can start changing the small things. The here and now things that create ripple effects in the lives around us.

The point is that "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step" [Lao-tze Tao Te Ching].

OUR GRANDMOTHERS

She lay, skin down on the moist dirt,
the canebrake rustling
with the whispers of leaves, and
loud longing of hounds and
the ransack of hunters crackling the near
branches.

She muttered, lifting her head a nod toward
freedom,
I shall not, I shall not be moved.

She gathered her babies,
their tears slick as oil on black faces,
their young eyes canvassing mornings of madness.
Momma, is Master going to sell you
from us tomorrow?

Yes.
Unless you keep walking more
and talking less.
Yes.
Unless the keeper of our lives
releases me from all commandments.
Yes.
And your lives,
never mine to live,
will be executed upon the killing floor of
innocents.
Unless you match my heart and words,
saying with me,

I shall not be moved.

In Virginia tobacco fields,
leaning into the curve
of Steinway
pianos, along Arkansas roads,
in the red hills of Georgia,
into the palms of her chained hands, she
cried against calamity,
You have tried to destroy me
and though I perish daily,

I shall not be moved.

Her universe, often
summarized into one black body
falling finally from the tree to her feet,
made her cry each time in a new voice.
All my past hastens to defeat,
and strangers claim the glory of my love,
Iniquity has bound me to his bed,

yet, I must not be moved.

She heard the names,
swirling ribbons in the wind of history:
nigger, nigger bitch, heifer,
mammy, property, creature, ape, baboon,
whore, hot tail, thing, it.
She said, But my description cannot
fit your tongue, for
I have a certain way of being in this world,

and I shall not, I shall not be moved.

No angel stretched protecting wings
above the heads of her children,
fluttering and urging the winds of reason
into the confusion of their lives.
They sprouted like young weeds,
but she could not shield their growth
from the grinding blades of ignorance, nor
shape them into symbolic topiaries.
She sent them away,
underground, overland, in coaches and
shoeless.
When you learn, teach.
When you get, give.
As for me,

I shall not be moved.

She stood in midocean, seeking dry land.
She searched God's face.
Assured,
she placed her fire of service
on the altar, and though
clothed in the finery of faith,
when she appeared at the temple door,
no sign welcomed
Black Grandmother. Enter here.

Into the crashing sound,
into wickedness, she cried,
No one, no, nor no one million
ones dare deny me God. I go forth
alone, and stand as ten thousand.

The Divine upon my right
impels me to pull forever
at the latch on Freedom's gate.

The Holy Spirit upon my left leads my
feet without ceasing into the camp of the
righteous and into the tents of the free.

These momma faces, lemon-yellow, plum-purple,
honey-brown, have grimaced and twisted
down a pyramid of years.
She is Sheba and Sojourner,
Harriet and Zora,
Mary Bethune and Angela,
Annie to Zenobia.

She stands
before the abortion clinic,
confounded by the lack of choices.
In the Welfare line,
reduced to the pity of handouts.
Ordained in the pulpit, shielded
by the mysteries.
In the operating room,
husbanding life.
In the choir loft,
holding God in her throat.
On lonely street corners,
hawking her body.
In the classroom, loving the
children to understanding.

Centered on the world's stage,
she sings to her loves and beloveds,
to her foes and detractors:
However I am perceived and deceived,
however my ignorance and conceits,
lay aside your fears that I will be undone,

for I shall not be moved.

By: Maya Angelou 
(out of the book a Heart of a Woman) 

Unique WAR

“Nobody is perfect, and nobody deserves to be perfect. Nobody has it easy, everybody has issues. You never know what people are going through. So pause before you start judging, criticizing, or mocking others. Everybody is fighting their own unique war.”

Not sure who said it but i definitely like it!

When it gets Crazy..

It feels like overnight life just got crazy busy and i am doing my best to catch up and keep up. I am not complaining, it is a good kind of busy. The kind that keeps me on my toes and has me making direct future plans.  It’s been a bit of an adjustment, but I think I've found my new rhythm or at least i am definitely getting there.

Funny how the pace of life changes from time to time and how it is up to us to move with it and not against it.

It is a challenge but I am learning: 

• To bask in the moment -  even if there are very few; i am allowing myself the pleasure of enjoying it and  pausing here and there so i can reflect and share the moment. 
• To do the me things first before i extend myself to the outside world. Like the Beatles said " And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"; you have to receive something first before you know how to give it. So before i share my space and my experiences, i am taking the time to receive and in the end to give completely. 
• To commit to things and see them through, even if i hate it or it challenges me and my comfort zones. I want to be fully engaged in the now and consciously move on to the next chapter or cycle. 

I have come to realise that life does not stay stagnant; it is always moving, always shifting, and evolving onto the next sequence of chapters. When life is slow, let it be (you will look back and miss those days) and when it is rapid put on those dancing shoes and get moving. 

Life is not as long as we might think so when it gets crazy (like mine) enjoy it, have fun and learn the lessons.  

"New Things"

Before i delve into this new years list of goals I'd like to reflect on the year i have left behind. It was not the easiest of years to begin with, dealing with sick parents, hospitalisation and some curve balls that in essence led to some incredible revelations.

It was a year of closing chapters, leaving things behind, finishing projects and moving on.

It was one of those years you couldn't help but grow in. One of deep thought about life, love, loss and the world (in my head i think i have probably gone over solutions on world peace more times than most).

Reflecting back 2012 i realise it was a year of finding more of myself, the stressful bits and all.

For 2013 there is NO RESOLUTION for my goals are simple:

• Good Health 
• To nurture great relationships 
• To learn and keep grounded - life would be boring if i wasn't learning a thing or two from it. 
• To love 

It will be a year of new jobs (as i take on a juggling act of 2 very different roles), new surroundings, new relationships and a whole new set of lessons.

I am looking forward to the nail biting challenge of getting through this one still intact.